We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize