His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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