Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
