Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
well you can't waste a boner
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
