Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize