Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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