i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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