WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
