his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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