you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
