this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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