I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
