How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
how drunk are you?
Several
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
