just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
