Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
