I hate your face
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
