Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
