If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize