Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
