i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The ass gains better be worth it
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