my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
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