I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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