no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize