Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize