I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
