We're facebook friends in real life
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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