I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
