dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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