She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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