I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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