"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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