So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
