She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
