So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
