When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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