he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
