We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
