drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
