She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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