Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
