I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
