How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize