Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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