He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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