I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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