I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
