Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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