Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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