I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
