We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
