Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize