I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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