hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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