Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
