Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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