There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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