I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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