"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
