Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
