Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
