I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
