Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
