I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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