why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
