I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
