dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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