The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
