Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
