I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
