she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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