I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
