i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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